Waffle House: A love story...

Have you ever eaten at a Waffle House? If you haven't, find the nearest location, and head there immediately (as soon as you finish reading this).

In my myriad travels up and down the I-95 corridor I've seen more than a few of these establishments. They can usually be found on the outskirts of a remote town, or in the armpit of some forgotten suburb - areas practically devoid of culture. In other words; dominated by white trash, strip malls, off brand big box stores, self-storage centers, and used tire service stations. All of this sets the backdrop for what occurs, on instinct, as a bad dining decision. Instincts can fail you sometimes. True story.  

At first glance, the building immediately gives you the appropriate vibe. The simple branding says "Are you literate? Good - come have some waffles...". The "open 24 hours" sign says "Did you just leave a crime scene? Great, hang here for a while... I mean who'd look for you in a Waffle House?". Truth in advertising people. When you see a Waffle House you immediately think something like "I'll bet there are at least 2 crack heads in there...". About 8 out of 10 times you'd probably be right... But that's no reason not to eat there... I'm just sayin'...

A reliable standard for anyone consistently awake after 11PM; from truckers and feral teens to cops and deranged lunatics, Waffle House has been distending stomachs and satisfying appetites since 1955. Literally hundreds of locations scatter the United States.

There are innumerable reasons to add "Eat at Waffle House" to your bucket list... but here are the top 10:

10. Because the sign is like a triple word score in Scrabble.

9. Because you think yo know what to expect. If you've eaten at Denny's or Ihop, you have no idea what you're missing. Waffle House stands head and shoulders above both of these 2 so-called restaurants.

8. Because they created an entire menu beyond waffles, but you'll probably only need about 10% of it.

7. Because you need a little perspective. Too much time spent in a TGIFriday's can warp your outlook on life. It's not Friday everyday, no matter how many Jack Daniel's ribletts you scarf down.

6. Because there's more to American poverty than just WalMart.

5. Because of the "Open Kitchen" layout. You can watch them cook your food - from mixing and pouring the batter, to working the griddle - it's all in plain view.

4. Because fresh waffle batter baking in a hot iron smells like drunken teenage girls making out.

3. Because Waffle House hash browns could easily kick the s*it out of your little brother. Seriously.

2. Because otherwise, you'll never know if any of this is true. 

1. For the waffles. They're fuc*king delicious. I'm just sayin'...  

Now - head to the nearest Waffle House, and report back here on your experience. If you've already been, I'd love to hear your thoughts...

I'm just sayin'...